Unconditional Forgiveness

Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

-Luke 17:3

Question: Are we to forgive other Christians unconditionally or are we commanded by Jesus to withhold forgiveness until certain conditions are met?  This verse, Luke 17:3, might seem to be instructing Christians to only forgive one another after repentance.  But please notice that Jesus is not saying that.  Jesus is saying that with a brother, you are looking for or hoping for repentance, so that there is reconciliation and your relationship is healed.  But Jesus does not say, "If he does not repent, do not forgive him."

If our brother or sister in Christ sins against us and refuses to repent, what do we do?  What we are not permitted to do is to take revenge, hold a grudge, or be bitter towards them.  

Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.

-Leviticus 19:18

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing.”

-Mark 11:25

Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

-Ephesians 4:31-32

Brothers or sisters who do not repent of their sins when confronted will cause their relationships to become fractured.  Christians should forgive a brother or sister seventy times seven, but that forgiven sin may make fellowship more difficult depending on what they have done.  Forgetting is hard.  Trust has to be rebuilt and new boundaries may have to be set on the person who has figuratively stepped on our toes or run us over, while at the same time they should be loved unconditionally.

Sinning against someone has consequences.  The person who sins needs to repent.  But they might not repent.  We in turn need to forgive them, but if they have not repented, the relationship is not restored.  To forgive someone who has not repented or made amends does not mean "we're good" and everything is exactly how it was before the sin, but it means I am not bitter or holding a grudge.  And if a person's unrepented sin makes them unsafe to be around, I will have to set up new boundaries for my safety, but that does not mean I have unforgiveness, am holding a grudge, or need to punish them.  And if you feel like your new boundaries are a punishment, or they complain that they are, that's not true.  Boundaries should be made with love for safety of all and are not a punishment.

On the other hand, can we be so loving and quick to forgive that we live in this word of Peter:

Above all, maintain constant love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.

-1 Peter 4:8

Take for example when someone cuts us off on the road.  It is possible that this was premeditated and done on purpose.  But it is also possible that the person just did not see you.  It is also possible that they are sorry but they cannot tell you.  Either way, are you going to forgive that person, or are you going to try to pay them back immediately and perhaps be steamed up about this offense all day long?  I know that Peter is talking to believers about conduct towards believers, so just imagine that the person who cut you off is also a believer, your brother or sister in Christ; even though you don't know them.  You can easily let the love of Christ in you cover their sin, whether it was an oopsie mistake or they are a very unsanctified driver.  Am I really going to keep a record of this wrong?  Two times I have had the driver behind me at the drive-through honk at me for not moving up fast enough.  I was surprised and actually thought it was funny and hopefully forgave the person.  

There is an acronym in 12-step circles called H-A-L-T that stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired.  Have you ever honked at someone or said something you should not have because you were hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?  I have, and I have needed people to cover my sin with their unconditional love; whether I said I was sorry immediately or did not.

How can we cover our brother's sin through sacrificial love?  When, in Genesis 9, Noah had too much to drink and was inebriated, that was not the time for his sons to scold their dad for drinking too much.  But Ham gossiped about his dad, while Shem and Japheth took a blanket and walked backwards so as not to look at their father naked, and covered him.  Shem and Japheth did the right thing, lovingly covering their dad's sin.

Unconditional forgiveness is always the way for Christians towards everyone, but we are focusing on Jesus' words towards brothers and sisters.  When a fellow believer repents and we forgive them, the relationship is restored.  But if they do not repent, we still must forgive them because that is the way of Christ.

And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.

-Matthew 6:12 (NLT)

When we forgive someone who has not repented, who does not see their sin, taken responsibility, made amends, and owned it, the relationship may become fractured, and we may become estranged from them.  We can graciously see them as a person with a blind spot.  And we all have blind spots.  We have to be aware that calling out another's sin should be done with humility and without hypocrisy:

“Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged. For you will be judged by the same standard with which you judge others, and you will be measured by the same measure you use. Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye."

-Matthew 7:1-5

Jesus gives instructions in Matthew 18 on how to work with a brother whose serious sin against us has ruptured our relationship with him, where he says, "If your brother sins against you, go to your brother and show them their fault.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother."  But if he does not listen, Jesus gives steps to take others with you, stepping up the confrontation.  If he still will not listen, then you end up estranged.  The estrangement brought on by the lack of repentance would mean that we cannot have the level of fellowship that we were once able to share with this person.  Can we and should we still love them, acknowledge them, work with them, and forgive them, despite their lack of repentance?  Yes!

In Matthew 18, Jesus actually commands unconditional forgiveness:

Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?”

“I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven."

-Matthew 18:21-22

In the parable that follows of the unforgiving servant (Matt. 18:23-35), we learn that those who are forgiven must forgive:

“For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt.

“At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.

“That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’

“At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”

-Matthew 18:23-35

When I am forgiving of others, I demonstrate that I understand and have received God's forgiveness and that I am totally dependent on God's mercy for forgiveness and not my good works.  My extending forgiveness to others shows that I know I am a repentant sinner myself, humbled and submitted to God, with mercy towards others who need it.  

When I do not forgive others, it says there is something deficient in my own salvation.  How could I recieve forgiveness for all my sins from God while not forgiving the infractions of others?  We should never refuse to forgive someone.  Not being willing to forgive is wrong and merits disciplinary action from God, for our hard hearts and duplicity.  While forgiving, we may find it hard to forget; but true forgiveness does not mean forgetting.  Even though we may recieve grace to forget over time, true forgiveness means we give up the right or inclination towards punishing the other person.

But being merciful never means sin is okay or that sin does not have consequences.  Our mercy should never go beyond God's mercy.

When we forgive someone who will not repent, it does not mean that everything is okay.  But we must walk in unconditional forgiveness while at the same time caring enough to confront, if possible, when we are sinned against.  There is turning the other cheek, going the extra mile, and unconditionally forgiving others:

But I tell you, don’t resist an evildoer. On the contrary, if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. As for the one who wants to sue you and take away your shirt, let him have your coat as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two.

-Matthew 5:39-41

And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

-Ephesians 4:32

Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive.

-Colossians 3:12-13

We can and should always be willing to forgive.  Jesus cautioned against unforgiveness even in response to repentance (Matt. 18:21-22).  Our attitude of willingness to forgive and being forgiving does not make the other person okay with themselves or with God just because I am forgiving towards them.  Like the driver who cuts me off knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive him, but that does not change him.  If I meet that driver later, and I forgave him already, I still might mention what he did back there and confront him about being reckless.

Imagine if your Christian spouse sins against you and you confront him or her but they won't listen, don't see it, and don't repent.  Some couples go to counseling, bringing in a third person, a witness to the confrontation. Maybe the other spouse still won't listen, but hopefully they will and the relationship gets better.  But if they don't listen, don't repent, the relationship might become fractured, while the 'sinned against' spouse tries to walk in forgiveness.  If the sin is severe and there are safety issues, separation may be called for.  We can forgive a brother or spouse who sins against us, but their unrepentant sin may make it so we cannot be close any more.

Both Jesus and Stephen forgave sinners who were killing them:

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided his clothes and cast lots.

-Luke 23:34

While they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!”  He knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them!” And after saying this, he fell asleep.

-Acts 7:59-60

Let's go back to Luke 17 and look at the context:

He said to his disciples, “Offenses will certainly come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea than for him to cause one of these little ones to stumble. Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”

-Luke 17:1-5

Jesus is instructing us to be careful not to cause others to sin.  Jesus followers are responsible to not cause others to stumble and to have a massive capacity to forgive, giving all sinners, including saints who sin and repent, complete benefit of the doubt.  And the proper response for us to these commands of Jesus is, "Increase our faith."

What is Jesus talking about here about offenses?  They are offenses that cause others to stumble.  We have freedom in Christ, but we can be insensitive about practicing our freedoms around Christians who have weaker consciences (see 1 Cor. 8-10 and Rom. 14).

We also need to be very careful we do not sin by stumbling others.  We need to realize that we influence one another for good or bad and we need to take responsibility for that influence.  When Jesus uses the word-picture of 'it would be better to thrown into the sea with a heavy necklace of death than to cause other Christians to stumble', he is saying that this is very serious.

Jesus is talking to the forgivers and not the offenders.  He is telling us to be always ready to forgive.  Offended ones need to be ready and willing (in Christ) to always forgive.  The command to forgive has nothing to do with the sinning person's authenticity or genuineness of repentance.  We are to give them the benefit of the doubt.  Our forgiveness is unconditional.  Our willingness to forgive is in-Christ and like-Christ.  Our gracious attitude looks like we have forgiven the one who sinned and has repented, while they have not repented because we are not bitter towards them, not holding a grudge, and not punishing them.  We forgive them even though they have not sought forgiveness nor repented.

Notice that in Luke 17, Jesus does not teach that forgiveness is conditional upon repentance, but that we must forgive the repentant brother.  He is saying that your being offended cannot keep you from forgiving.  He is talking to those who would be tempted not to forgive.  Nowhere does Jesus say not to forgive if the person does not repent.  And earlier in Luke, Jesus does say we should forgive those who sin against us unconditionally:

And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone in debt to us. And do not bring us into temptation.”

-Luke 11:4

But it is better if we show them their sin and they repent.  Jesus teaches us that it is strictly forbidden to withhold forgiveness when someone repents.  But Jesus with echoes from Paul, teaches us to always unconditionally forgive everyone (Matthew 6:12, Ephesians 4:32, and Colossians 3:12-13).

Our brother or sister in Christ is never our enemy even if they act like one.  How does Jesus instruct us to treat our enemies?

“But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

-Luke 6:27-28

As Jesus' disciples, he commands us to do four things here:

1. Love your enemies.
2. Do good to those who hate you.
3. Bless those who curse you.
4. Pray for those who mistreat you.

Rather than the cold judgmental attitude of withholding forgiveness, we are to express radical openness and concern towards those who are our enemies.  How much more gracious should we be towards fellow Christian brothers or sisters who offend or sin against us, acting like an enemy?

The word for love here in 'love your enemies" is agape.  We don't just show the warm affection of a friend nor the passionate devotion of a spouse to our perceived enemies, "but a gracious, outgoing, active interest (agape) in the welfare of those persons who are precisely antagonistic" (J.A. Fitzmyer, Luke I-IX, 1981, p. 638).

It would seem natural for Christians to bless the people in their church community, but Jesus tells us to bless our enemies.  We are to answer or respond to our enemy's cursing with blessing.  Paul echoes this command and adds to it:

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

-Romans 12:14

Pastor Ron Latulippe wrote this:

"Unconditional forgiveness means that I forgive everyone of every sin they have ever committed against me with no conditions attached whatsoever. I hold no grudges, I expect no apology, I hold no bitterness toward the brother who has sinned against me. I love them and pray and work for their highest good. Unconditional forgiveness keeps me from poisoning my heart with unforgiveness and sets me free to enjoy fellowship with God and with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Unconditional forgiveness is for my own spiritual well being."

Generally, with fellow believers who we believe have sinned against us, we desire, hope for, and work for their repentance as part of the process of forgiveness.  We care enough to confront them.  But if they ignore us or 'gaslight' us, saying "that never happened," or something along the lines of "what are you talking about, I did not sin against you," we should humble ourselves and consider that it may just be a misunderstanding, and forgive them.  However, if they really have sinned and it's not a big misunderstanding, and yet they do not repent nor budge in that direction, then what?  We are not permitted to hold grudges or bitterness, and how can we not do that without forgiveness?  We don't forgive because someone repents; we forgive because we have been forgiven and are therefore forgivers.

The love of Christ in me will not allow me to hold a grudge:

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The grace of God in me will not allow me to be bitter with anyone:

Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.

-Hebrews 12:15

We are taught by Jesus not only to forgive but to work to settle differences with brothers and sisters, even interrupting our religious obligations to do so:

“You have heard that it was said to our ancestors, Do not murder, and whoever murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Whoever insults his brother or sister will be subject to the court. Whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be subject to hellfire. So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Reach a settlement quickly with your adversary while you’re on the way with him to the court, or your adversary will hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out of there until you have paid the last penny.

-Matthew 5:21-26

Our Christian brother or sister is never our enemy even when they act like one.  And when a Christian brother or sister acts like our enemy by sinning against us, we have to apply blanket unconditional forgiveness towards them like we would an enemy who does not know Christ.  We very possibly can also no longer have a 'life-together,' enriching, sweet fellowship (see 1 John 1:3-7) with them because our relationship has been damaged by their sin that they will not repent of.  This is not something to be bitter or angry about, but to be sad and grieved by.  The love of Christ in me will lead me to live in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Forgiveness, nor repentance, does not necessarily immediately fully restore the relationship.  Trust often has to be rebuilt and the sin that the person committed, even after repenting, may be something that they will do again unless they experience renewal or rehabilitation.  A person that sins and owns it can be in good standing with you, but still be unsafe because they have not yet learned, or been discipled in ,how to not do that sin against people and thereby hurt them.

Should people in general, but especially brothers or sisters who sin against us, repent and be forgiven?  Yes!  Is our forgiveness of them ever conditioned upon their repentance?  No.  We always are to unconditionally forgive while encouraging repentance, through caring enough to confront, and listening carefully to become aware if it is a misunderstanding.

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Bibliography

Unconditional Forgiveness: Is It Biblical?, 2016, F. Remy Diederich

Luke I-IX, 1981, J.A. Fitzmyer

Unconditional and Conditional Forgiveness – Luke 17:3-4, 2011, Ron Latulippe